Confessions I

It's taken me a while to bring myself to writing my next blog.. One reason is that I've just been so busy, I haven't had a chance to sit down and think about it. Another reason is, to be honest, I just didn't want to say anything.  The last few months have been really trying mentally and emotionally. There have been issues other than the Conflict that have been getting to me, so to add any feelings I've had regarding the situation in the Middle East to the mix, you can imagine, makes things even more interesting..  A month or so ago I was feeling small and disgusted and guilty about the events of the Middle East. Not because I hold myself in any way personally responsible but because I had been so naive and blind (or so it feels) and therefore hadn't known better. I felt betrayed by my schooling - which I thoroughly differentiate from my education, which took place at home - and thoroughly confused. I couldn't work out where I stand on the whole Conflict. Now I don't want to hear about it. As counter-productive as that may seem considering the Babel project, it is quite a separate issue: the Babel project is about crossing cultural boundaries and discussing the issues surrounding Wellington's growing multiculturalism. These I have no problem with. But I'm so angry about everything happening in the Middle East that there are only a handful of people I can bear discuss it with. Otherwise, I just don't want to know! I've stopped following the news, I don't want to discuss any aspect of it. I'm emotionally drained and vulnerable and am in a defensive mode: to keep myself as sane as possible, don't talk to me about Israel/Palestine!! You could say that this has also become a crisis of faith.THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING JEWISH AND BEING ISRAELI: The one does NOT necessarily mean the other. Nor does being Jewish mean you automatically support Israel's actions, politics, etc. My own spiritual beliefs have never been specifically Jewish: I believe in a Presence: you can call it God, the Great Spirit, the Force, whatever. There are many moral principles which I share with my people's faith. But my Judaism is entirely based on a sense of national belonging. Remember: Jews are a nation, a people, not just followers of a certain faith. I was born into this people, and I am proud of my Jewish history. In this I am definitely Jewish. But I struggle to feel any stronger bond than this.  I'm leaving this blog at that, as my mind is now blank.. to be continued...